did i just relate a blog to a food? hahahaha. well anyways..
have you ever been in SO much pain, that nobody you know can help you feel better? but there's always your bestfriend. the one that can make you laugh and forget all of your problems, and smile when you've been crying for hours. these are the kinda people that hit you hardest when they leave you. i guess this is really off-topic considering all my blogs are about going vegetarian, but i need to tell SOMEONE, who'll just shut up and listen and not give me pity words, like "ohh, im sorry". thats really irritating even though i'll assume you're trying to help. austin, my exbestfriend you could say? was more of a "penpal" figure then a real best friend because i'd never met him in real life. he lives in eastern washington, so yeah. i realize how extremely pathetic this blog is, but go fuck yourself. i could care less, i'll probably end up deleting it later anyways. but yeah, he was like my other half, the kind of person you'd feel lost without. i have no idea why, but all of a sudden he deleted me from myspace but not facebook and he refused to return my texts or calls. i know he's been busy, he's been in drama and plays and stuff, but i'm pretty sure he hates me for some unknown reason now. i mean, he doesn't even have the decency to tell me WHY he hates me. so i could stop thinking about it every minute of every day. like FUCK, i wish i could hate him. i hate him so much but everything i do reminds me of him and how much better my life would be if i had him to talk to. this is the part where i start bawling like a psychotic freak. he's the kind of best friend that doesn't bullshit you, he tells you like it is. he gives you ACTUAL help rather than feeling sorry for you. he'll stay up until 5 in the morning with you because you had problems with a stupid boy. i've never met anyone that nice. he made me laugh like no other, in like 3 months, he was closer to me than any family. i guess this was like a one-sided relationship because he didn't really consider me a bestfriend. he'd say it, but he didn't mean it as much as i did. he even had the guts to PROMISE we'd always be bestfriends. i guess i'm more of the loser, because it sounds like i went overboard with the whole bfffff thing. but i didn't even notice. i can't help it, i guess. he was that one person that would make time to help you out. he was just overall incredible and to this day, i've never met anyone like him, and i don't think its possible to ever find somebody like him. i've tried but simply nobody matches up to him. i think that's all i needed to get out and hopefully i'll get over him easier. he was gay, so i'm not trying to make it sound like i was in love with him. i just loved him a lot, like without him i feel as if i can't work or live like i used to. how cliche does that sound? ha. "i can't function properly without him" is one way of putting it, but that's cliche too. idk, i just hope i feel better getting all of this out. that's pretty much the only point to this post. holy shit, fourth post today haha. but its 12am, so i guess this would be the first post of thursday? lol. i post too many blogs. (:
xo,
sudipti.
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